Responses not to use when someone says "I love you"

• That's nice
• Why would you go and say a thing like that?
• Yeah, right
• And I love Amy -- see the problem?
• No, seriously...
• Thanks, I think
• Oh shit -- I was about to dump you
• Can't we talk about this?
• (Chuckling) No. No you don't

And my new personal favorite:

• Okay, you have two choices: 1) I can lie and tell you, "I love you too" or 2) I can gracefully dodge the prompt to reply, letting you read into and overanalyze to death the fact that I never said anything back. The decision is yours -- I'll give you a few seconds to think it over. Let me know if you want me to hum the jeopardy music.