A friendly piece of advice for my male reader

When you meet your buddy's new girlfriend for the first time, try not to call her by his ex's name. I guarantee she won't take to that very kindly.

And no, it isn't alright to ask if she was your waitress the night before at Hooters (even if she was...).

New weight loss regimine

I just discovered the best way to lose weight - go biking hungover. It's that perfect mix of exercise and bulimia.

Buying my allegance

In recent months I've become a big fan of Amnesty International. If they didn't exist, I might not have any return address labels.

Bring back that loving feeling

Last night during farewell drinks for a coworker, a few of us serenaded her with the Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," Top Gun style. What worries me isn't that we won't be allowed back at New World Grill (although we probably won't any time soon) but that this is the second time this month that this has happened.

Do they have a 12 step program for this? I'm beginning to it may be a problem.

Talking bout my generation

After seeing Roger Waters perform in concert tonight, I've concluded that I never experimented enough with drugs to understand Pink Floyd... and I'm totally OK with that.

Happy birthday America

In the spirit of diplomacy, to celebrate America's 231st birthday (she doesn't look a day over 225!) let's give Ohio and Florida back to England.

On bachelor parties

I've come to the conclusion that we're throwing bachelor parties for the wrong people. Instead of arranging them for our buddies who are getting married we should be throwing them for our friends who have recently gotten out of relationships.

Here's my logic. Who do you think needs a weekend of wild debauchery, gambling and strippers more, the guy we're preparing to send off to marital bliss or the guy who just got out of a two-year relationship and in the confusing hours after the split is afraid he may never have fun or see a naked woman again? Exactly - the later. Plus, it would be a great pick-me-up -- maybe even something the guy can look forward to during the long and painful hours of discussion that go into splitting up.

I've had the honor of being a groomsman several times now and even the best man. I'm beginning to think that some people are starting to put me in their wedding party solely because of my impressive wedding resume - especially when I'm not even close friends with the couple. I think it's because the bride is confident that I've done this enough times now to know what I'm doing so that I'll keep the groom and his buddies in line and on track with his wedding duties, while the guy knows I've arranged a legendary bachelor party on more than one occasion.

I like my bathroom REALLY clean

According to the directions on a can of Comet, you should sprinkle it on your sink, tub and toilet for 15 seconds and then wipe and rinse to clean. If you also want to disinfect, you should leave the Comet on for five minutes before wiping and rinsing.

Personally, I think I subconsciously like my bathroom really, really clean, because I sprinkled Comet onto my sink, tub and toilet, forgot about it and went to work for 12 HOURS before I came home to wipe and rinse it off.

To take advantage of my new super-cleanliness, if you come over to my place over the next few days, don't be surprised if I offer to serve you dinner in my tub.