Five times

It's now been five nights in a row that I've dreamt about work. The good news is that one of the dreams led me to figure out a good-work around for a problem we've been facing. Leads me to ask -- can I bill my clients for time I spent sleeping?

Yet another sign of growing up

Monday I found my first grey hair. Yesterday I got my first birthday card of the year -- only it wasn't from an enthusiastic friend, my mom, or even my Grandma. It was from Banana Republic.

Maybe I need to start varying where I shop.

Maybe I'm due for a vacation

Perhaps I've been working a bit too hard. I just found my first grey hairs, and my initial thoughts weren't "damn, these are signs I'm getting old" but instead "great -- finally! I won't look 12 when I'm giving my clients strategic counsel -- I'll actually look the part!"

This is indeed a sad day.

The office kitchen

Having an office kitchen is like sharing a refrigerator with 150 roommates. The difference being in the amount of time you have to spend figuring out just whose initials are on the mayo, and if they're the person who's going to flip out if you borrow a pat. Plus you always have that one really-cool person who doesn't mind if you finish her humus, just as long as you replace it quickly.

Kev's guide to understanding guys (vol V)

What he says: "I'm just not looking to get into a relationship right now"

What he means: "I'm just not looking to get into a relationship with you right now"

Welcome to the "It's not you, it's me" of the 2000's.

Friendster and relationships

I have to say, I'm a big fan of Friendster. You can use it to track down old friends you haven't seen since middle-school, keep tabs on if that cute friend of a friend is still in a relationship with that prick from high school, see if your ex's have moved on past you (or so I hear), etc. But recently my friends and I learned of a new, dangerous side-effect of Friendster: it can be a relationship catalyst.

For those who don't know Friendster, you set up a profile about yourself, your interests, and then you link to your friends and their friends, etc. Part of the profile is your marital status, and well, the options are limited to "single," "in a relationship," "domestic partnership," and "married," so if you're in that grey area on the relationship scale it can put you in quite a pickle as friend of mine recently learned when he got the girl he's been seeing to sign up.

I'm including his letter to me below for your own personal amusement/education (the names have been removed).

-------
Hey,

So I've been getting on [girl]'s case for a while now about getting a picture up that I can show off. Well today I received a friendster request indicating to me that she had posted her pic on the profile she just created. Not bad. A couple of things though:

(1) The picture looks disgusting. Her head is nowhere near that huge, and, if you can believe it, she actually looks better with her glasses on. Goddammit! Oh well.

(2) If you look over in the status section as I did, you may be surprised (I sure as fuck was) to see it lists her as being in a relationship. That's news to me! What a crappy way to get the news, no?

Then again, after taking some time to think about it after the initial paralyzing fear owing to my commitment-phobic youthful hedonism, I thought: that makes sense. I mean, on her end. What's she going to write, "single"? She sleeps over all the time and I see her naked regularly. It makes sense, but irritates me that there are so few options on friendster for this. So basically because of friendster, I'm now apparently in a relationship. Should they have more options? Should you be encouraged to wear that much of your life on your sleeve? That's a lot of profile updates if they have the level of detail down to as fine a grain as

Status: talking to someone; seeing someone; dating someone; in a relationship; living with someone; married; blah blah blah

I don't know, I wish I could sue friendster for this, but obviously not.

You should see it for yourself though.

------

Kev's follow-up: When I complained about the options to Friendster in a tongue-in-cheek letter (I was bored one night and had some wine -- ok, a lot of wine) they let me know that they agreed with me and decided to change the scale to now include, "it's complicated" as an option.

Great -- I'm not really sure I want people to associate me with "it's complicated," but it would be pretty-damn fitting.

Kev's guide to understanding guys (vol IV)

Scheduled for termination - A phrase to convey that you've already decided to stop seeing somebody, but haven't "lowered the axe" yet. In other words, you know it's over, but they don't.

Example:
Kev: Are you still seeing Laura?
Male buddy: Yeah, but she's scheduled for termination. I'm going to end it later this week.

The fix-up ambush

Ever have that thing where a friend of yours and their significant other invite you over to a small intimate gathering such as a dinner party or over for cocktails, and the moment you arrive you realize that you're the only single person there -- that is except for just one other person? It's at that moment you realize you've been had -- it's a fix-up.

You realize you're no ordinary guest at this couples only event -- you're a guinea-pig -- the alternate agenda. You find that you and the "other single" have been placed next to each other at the table, or on the couch, (coincidence? I think not) and if you don't begin talking to each other immediately, everyone there will find a reason to introduce you, even if you've been introduced 10 times already.

I like to refer to this as the "fix-up ambush." You don't see it coming -- you never do. You haven't even been briefed properly -- given the full dossier of common interests, topics of conversion to avoid ("whatever you do, don't mention her lazy eye") or even a decent baggage assessment. You're flying cold and have to be this complete stranger's non-date all evening. For the next few hours, you virtually have to be another couple -- you're the "non-couple."

The only thing that makes it more embarrassing is if you've met already, dated, currently work together, or worse, been victims of a previously failed fix-up ambush.

Things I learned on a recent trip

I've been a little remiss in posting, as I just spent the past 8 days in Athens (Greece, not Georgia) for work. So while I unpack, and figure our how I'm going to get over a 7 hour time difference so that I'm not the lamest person ever at a wedding this weekend, I'll leave you with a short list of things I learned on my trip:

• Athens beats the hell out of Scranton, Toledo, Wausau (Wisconsin), Boston, San Diego... hell, anywhere I've gone for work before.
• 10 hours in Business Class can turn you into quite the elitist
• The Greeks know how to party
• Replying to e-mail is much better done in a swimsuit by the pool with a glass of wine than it is wearing a suit in the office with a cup of coffee
• Good gin does not in fact taste like hairspray
• Listening to clients talk for eight days about the amazing things their infant children are doing, is enough to make even the most commitment-phobic guy begin to consider having them
• Being out of country does not make a hangover any less intense, and does not invalidate my need for a reminder list
• 10 hours on a plane home, with a screaming infant directly behind you, can completely reverse any thoughts you ever had of having kids
  

Some musings on radio

Why is it that the moment your radio station claims that they now have "more variety," the announcement is followed by a really crappy song?

Also, what's up with DJ's stopping the music to announce that you're "in the middle of ten songs without a commercial break" and then giving the station's call letters. Isn't that a commercial for the station?

A new greetings card I'd like to see

For people who just don't seem to get the point:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
There's never going to be a "we"
in me and you