Who’s afraid of the big bad commitment?
So the other day I received the two things in the mail that put fear in the hearts of all twenty-somethings regardless of gender: my renewal lease and a wedding invitation. The double-whammy – courtesy of the US Postal Service – forced me to sit down and reevaluate my life on the spot. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not super-commitment phobic. On a 1-10 scale of commitment phobia I’m anywhere from a 2 to a 14 depending which group of my friends you ask, but in my own mind, I’m average for a 20-somethings guy – but I don’t know if I can swear by that.
The renewal lease had me considering the merits of picking up and moving to the Cayman Islands – tomorrow. It could happen. Real estate is cheap right now. Or what if six-months into my lease – or a year and six-months into my lease the time to buy in the Caymans became perfect? I began to dream of opening my own hotel and bar. I don’t want to miss the peak tourism season – I need to be up and running by spring. I could work the bar and manage the hotel, and friends of mine could work there, and we could all live together at the hotel. You all could come visit – it would be great. I envision lagoon-like pools, and we’d be beachfront. Of course, it would also be completely impossible if I were locked into a damn two-year lease.
Needless to say, the renewal form is still not signed and neither the "one-year" or "two-year" box has been crossed off. My landlord was smart and sent it to me now – my least isn’t up until April. The funny thing is that I’ve lived in my apartment for two years now -- both times signing one-year leases.
Just seeing the lease renewal in the mailbox alone would have been enough, but the silver, calligraphy-embossed envelope beneath it put me over the edge. First off, it was addressed to "Kevin Silverman and Guest" which is like being judged right off the bat. Getting the "and guest" is like the host and hostess saying, "look, we may have found each other, but hang in there, buck-o. You’ll meet someone. Oh it may not be by the time we get married, but don’t worry, it’ll happen." Yeah, thanks.
Actually, I’m not bothered so much by the "and guest" because it usually just leaves me thinking, "Huh, which one of my friends should I bring to the open bar?" But it really seems to piss off my female friends. I guess that’s just another male-female difference that I’m happy being on this side of. It does become a problem when you’ve been seeing someone for a short while and you just don’t think you’ve reached that "wedding date" level yet. (Some argue two months, others argue three-years)
The other extreme is when you get the invite from a friend and the envelope has the name of a previous long-term girl/boyfriend who you stopped seeing several months earlier. I once received a "save-the-date" with one girl’s name on it, the invitation with someone else’s, and then brought someone completely different to the wedding. Her place-holder was crossed out twice and the name penciled in on top with a question-mark.
But it was the combination of the lease and the invitation that really put me over the edge and possibly spun me off into my own quarter-life crisis. Everything was about the future. Suddenly I was evaluating everything – where I live, my relationships, my job, what I was going to eat for dinner that night… it was a downward spiral.
Actually to be honest, I became so absorbed in the turmoil that I still haven’t opened the envelope to find out which of my friends is getting married.
The renewal lease had me considering the merits of picking up and moving to the Cayman Islands – tomorrow. It could happen. Real estate is cheap right now. Or what if six-months into my lease – or a year and six-months into my lease the time to buy in the Caymans became perfect? I began to dream of opening my own hotel and bar. I don’t want to miss the peak tourism season – I need to be up and running by spring. I could work the bar and manage the hotel, and friends of mine could work there, and we could all live together at the hotel. You all could come visit – it would be great. I envision lagoon-like pools, and we’d be beachfront. Of course, it would also be completely impossible if I were locked into a damn two-year lease.
Needless to say, the renewal form is still not signed and neither the "one-year" or "two-year" box has been crossed off. My landlord was smart and sent it to me now – my least isn’t up until April. The funny thing is that I’ve lived in my apartment for two years now -- both times signing one-year leases.
Just seeing the lease renewal in the mailbox alone would have been enough, but the silver, calligraphy-embossed envelope beneath it put me over the edge. First off, it was addressed to "Kevin Silverman and Guest" which is like being judged right off the bat. Getting the "and guest" is like the host and hostess saying, "look, we may have found each other, but hang in there, buck-o. You’ll meet someone. Oh it may not be by the time we get married, but don’t worry, it’ll happen." Yeah, thanks.
Actually, I’m not bothered so much by the "and guest" because it usually just leaves me thinking, "Huh, which one of my friends should I bring to the open bar?" But it really seems to piss off my female friends. I guess that’s just another male-female difference that I’m happy being on this side of. It does become a problem when you’ve been seeing someone for a short while and you just don’t think you’ve reached that "wedding date" level yet. (Some argue two months, others argue three-years)
The other extreme is when you get the invite from a friend and the envelope has the name of a previous long-term girl/boyfriend who you stopped seeing several months earlier. I once received a "save-the-date" with one girl’s name on it, the invitation with someone else’s, and then brought someone completely different to the wedding. Her place-holder was crossed out twice and the name penciled in on top with a question-mark.
But it was the combination of the lease and the invitation that really put me over the edge and possibly spun me off into my own quarter-life crisis. Everything was about the future. Suddenly I was evaluating everything – where I live, my relationships, my job, what I was going to eat for dinner that night… it was a downward spiral.
Actually to be honest, I became so absorbed in the turmoil that I still haven’t opened the envelope to find out which of my friends is getting married.
posted by Kevin at
9:44 AM
1 Comments:
HI Kevin!
I've been laughing so much at your posts. It's so interesting to think of you in this zone- musing like a male Carrie from sex and the city about some poor girl's crossed out name card.
All I can say is that I'm glad nothing complicated like this happens at trivia at the Bourbon and Beefsteak.
No name tags, no worry. Bring as many guests as you want. Now that's how people should celebrate a wedding huh? It's including life.
As for the lease- I recall in my early 20's not signing anything over a 6 month lease. SO many great neighbourhoods in Sydney to live in, and I thought 6 months in each was the best way to go.
Now we're lucky to beg our way into an apartment- quickly knocking people out the way with sharp elbows to sign whatever lease is available and ready to pay 5, 10, heck! Whatever it takes- !$50! more than the next person who is also trying to trip you up on the way to the real estate agent.
Is this how we end up in commitment? Through competition???
-Tereasa
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