Some advice for the ladies

Ladies,

Let me give you a piece of advice. No matter how large it says "sorry I missed your birthday" inside, NEVER buy a card for a twenty-somethings guy that just says "I'm late!" on the front.

I'm going to write Hallmark a very strongly worded letter.

How to make your coworkers very confused

When they ask you where you got your monogrammed cuff links, instead of telling them "they were a gift for being in my friend's wedding," accidentally tell them, "they were a wedding gift."

The NyQuil hangover

I'm convinced that NyQuil should have a warning label about having to work within 37 hours of taking it. I took what I thought was the recommended dose, hoping I could actually shake this cold and get a good night's sleep. I'm not sure that what I did last night counted so much as "sleeping" as much as it was "passing out."

This morning, I'm left with the worst part of having taken NyQuil. The medicine part has worn off, but the sleep-aide part hasn't. I have the NyQuil hangover.

Murphy's law of cleaning

If you clean your apartment, expecting that you could have company, you are guaranteed not to have any visitors. However, if you have a rough morning, leave the bed unmade, dishes stacked in the kitchen and your clothes on the floor, you can expect half a dozen friends will randomly stop over after work.

I'm pretty sure that if I ever meet a supermodel my prayers will be answered and she's going to want to come home with me... but only if my place is a wreck. Of course, if it's clean, she won't give me the time of day.

Guy logic in action

I love it when conversations with my male friends provide a perfect insight into the male psyche. Take this conversation from the other night:

Kev's Friend: I met a girl the other night -- we have a date tonight
Kev: Oh yeah?
KF: Yeah. I was totally wasted. I wonder if I should have a few shots before our date
Kev: To take the edge off?
KF: No. So she recognizes me.
Kev: Wow.

Send the marines

Ladies, I have to give you credit. When you get your girls together and head out to a bar, you don't go all willy-nilly like we guys do, when you go out you move like a well-trained military operation.

You're strategic. You stake out your position in the bar, and you watch out for one another. If a guy tries to make a move on one of your girls, you flank him in from all sides. If his buddy tried to come in and help, you have two girls intercept him and dance with him so that he never even makes it to his friend.

And if one girl wants to go, even if one of you is getting along with a guy you met, you all leave. If four girls go into a bar, there's four girls coming out. You're like the marines -- no man left behind.

Meanwhile we guys are the complete opposite. If one of our guys hits it off, or leaves with a girl, all bets are off. Even if you're in town from another country, and you are staying at his apartment, guy law states that you can't pull him away from the girl. Even if your buddy was the driver, and you live 200 miles away, tough luck. Pick-pocket his keys, call a cab or hike up your slacks, 'cause you're walking home, dude.

Once a friend of mine left his heart medicine in our buddy's car. Our buddy was dancing with two of the hottest girls we've ever seen, so under no circumstances could we interrupt him. My friend, a devoted follower of guy law, did what any honorable friend would do -- he left our buddy alone, pounded one last Red Bull and vodka, gave himself a 300-volt shock with the bar's external defibrillator, and limped home.

Another sign you're a true New Yorker

When you see a prime parking spot you actually stop and consider if you should call a friend with a car and tell them about it.

A little reminder

My six-monthly bout of paranoia is setting in, so I feel like this is a good time to put out a little reminder -- this Web site is not intended to be a reflection of my life, it is the ramblings and writings of an observational comic sharing his material, focusing on 20-somethings life. Any mention of people, places of business or even myself should be taken as fiction (which isn't to say I haven't actually done/said some of the stupid things inside), and any incidents routed in truth may be deeply embellished and highly edited for comedic value. In other words, these writings are not meant to be an accurate reflection of reality -- they are for comedy and entertainment purposes only.

I hope you will continue to enjoy Kev's Musings.

And as a reminder of other legal mumbo-jumbo here are some musings co-written with my lawyer and a picture of a really cute puppy.

Man law

If you're out with a few buddies on a work night, and one of them suggests a round of Jagermeister (or Jager-bombs) it's OK to slap him.

Brittney Spears loses custody of children to ex-spouse

I guess this answers the age old question of "how bad of a parent do you need to be to make Kevin Federline look like the responsible one?"