Tax deductions

When you need a uniform to do you job, you are able to claim the associated costs as a tax deduction.

If you need to constantly drink to do your job, can you expense the associated bar and liquor store charges?

I'm back

Now that I have internet at home again, I hope to post more often. In the meanwhile, here's the new motivational poster I just ordered for my office.

What's the over/under on if I get fired?

How to make your coworkers very confused

When they ask you where you got your monogrammed cuff links, instead of telling them "they were a gift for being in my friend's wedding," accidentally tell them, "they were a wedding gift."

Swear jar

I'm thinking of putting a swear jar at my desk, except the way I tend to curse at work, I'm afraid I'd owe more than my salary in less than a week.

Kev's advice on the stomach bug

If you're thinking about exposing yourself to the stomach virus that is going around, in hopes that you can score a day off from work -- pass. Oh sure, bed rest and back-to-back episodes of 24 may seem great in theory, but when you can't even keep down water or bread, you'll wish you were right back at your desk.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a quick weight-loss regimen without having to make time for the gym, I highly recommend coming down with it.

The one day week

Out of this whole week, I'm only working today. So to help break the day up, I'm going to look at my schedule as follows:

8:00 - 10:00 am - Monday
10:00 am - 12:00 pm - Tuesday
12:00 - 2:00 pm - Wednesday
2:00 - 4:00 pm - Thursday
4:00 - 6:00 pm - Friday

If things are going smoothly, I may take a lunch hour - just don't tell my boss that means I'll be taking a half-day on Wednesday.

Murphy's law of days off

Ever notice that if you take a day off from work to rest, you always manage to wake up at the exact time you would if you were working, but can't go back to sleep? Of course if you didn't have the day off, going back to sleep would be as easy as rolling over.

Have I gotten that bad?

Is it a bad sign when every time you go to visit your family, they immediately make you hand over your Blackberry for the whole time you're at their house?

Telephone headsets

It's always weird to see people in the office wearing telephone headsets. It looks like my Senior Vice President is taking someones LL Bean order.

Signs that maybe you've been traveling too much...

Instead of telling people you'll be home, you start saying, "I'll be in the room."

You get annoyed that you have to use quarters to pay for laundry and can't just put the charge against your room.

You get really annoyed at housekeeping for not making the bed... when you realize that you are housekeeping.

You start to order the lobster for dinner, when you realize that you'd actually have to pay for it yourself.

You miss being able to treat your car the same way you treated the rental.

When visiting your folks, your mom gets angry at you for referring to her as "the concierge."

The TPS reports in my mind

It can't be a good sign when you start dreaming about work so frequently, that NOT dreaming about work begins to feel weird.

On the plus side, that one night when you don't dream about work feels SO nice.

Although, it does lead me to ask, can you bill your clients for problems you work out in your sleep?*

*Disclaimer: for all those concerned, or for anyone I work with or for, I know the answer to this question is "no". Consider it a freebie.

Another sign you may have a little too much stress in your life

You look in the fridge for breakfast, see an open bottle of wine and, for a fleeting second, having a glass seems like a good idea.