I'm missing some time from last night

I had one of those mornings where you wake up not quite sure what you did the night before and realize there’s a stranger in your bed – only when I looked over I was lying next to a llama.
No, it’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not saying I woke up next to a woman who was so unattractive she looked like a barnyard animal – I mean I woke up in bed with an actual llama. I’m not sure if it was a bet or something, but if it was, I better have won. Oh, and be entitled to a LOT of money.

It was so awkward. When I awoke, she was licking my cheek in this really affectionate way – I hope she didn’t get the wrong idea. I don’t know how to have the conversation with her that I’m not really looking for a relationship right now. I mean, I’m just not into interspecies dating – I need to think about the future. I don’t want my kids to have hooves or a tail. Plus, working in PR, how would it look when I have to bring her to client dinners and black-tie events? I walk in, wearing my tux, and pulling my date by her leash, the bell around her neck clanking as she trots. I can see my colleagues and clients now, “oh look, there’s Kevin, and uh, his llama.”

It was so embarrassing – this farmer came to pick her up. There I was, in my bathrobe, trying to pretend nothing happened. He’s telling me that she keeps doing this, running off with guys from the city. At one point he even threatened me, saying she was under age or something.

Come to think about it, I didn’t even get her name…