The great stuff swap
So continuing on yesterday's theme of things left behind in relationships, I thought I'd address some thoughts I've had recently on The Great Stuff Swap -- that oh-so-fun event you hold sometime after you break-up when you agree to exchange all the stuff left at each other's places.
The absolute worst is when you loose other people's stuff in the Great Stuff Swap. Now you're suddenly not as worried about getting your own stuff back as you are explaining to your friend where his things went and why he'll never see them again.
Recently, when two friends of mine stopped seeing each other, I was somehow I was appointed the UN observer of The Stuff Swap - a role I stupidly took, and hope to never have again. It was like hosting the middle-east peace process with even less of a chance for success. To make matters worse, not only did I have to deal with her, but with her friends as well (see Silverman's theories of men moving in packs and women in herds). I found myself saying such uncomfortable things as "my sources say she's willing to return your friend's Pulp Fiction soundtrack, but she wants the sweater she left at your place, her Sheryl Crow CD, and uh, something she referred to as 'Mister Wiggles..."
Note to anyone who hasn't been put in this position yet: don't agree to get back any items you can't identify by first mention. You may learn things about your friends you never wanted to. I also took a new philosophy out of this - I won't go in to retrieve any items less than $20. Sorry, dude, just replace it.
Also, if you're ever offered the opportunity to go with a friend to help them pick up their stuff from an ex, pass. That's another role that really bites. You're there as a bouncer to make sure no one gets too rowdy during the Swap. The atmosphere is uncomfortable, your friend is uncomfortable because face it, they just broke up with someone, you're uncomfortable about making too much small talk with the ex and pissing off your friend, but you don't want to be rude -- it's a fine balance. I try to avoid being in this situation, but not too long ago I was duped into it again. Here's how it went down:
Kevin: "So where do you want to go?"
Regina: "Not sure. Hey, I need to pick something up from Tom's place first."
Kevin: "I thought you guys broke up, what do you need to pick up?"
Regina: "Just a couple of things I left behind."
Three hours and two trips across town later, Regina and I had all of her stuff from Tom's place. Plus, to make matters worse, I had never met Tom, so suddenly I have the honor and privilege of being sized up and glared at as the unknown guy who's spending time with his ex. Regina and I don't talk anymore.
The absolute worst is when you loose other people's stuff in the Great Stuff Swap. Now you're suddenly not as worried about getting your own stuff back as you are explaining to your friend where his things went and why he'll never see them again.
Recently, when two friends of mine stopped seeing each other, I was somehow I was appointed the UN observer of The Stuff Swap - a role I stupidly took, and hope to never have again. It was like hosting the middle-east peace process with even less of a chance for success. To make matters worse, not only did I have to deal with her, but with her friends as well (see Silverman's theories of men moving in packs and women in herds). I found myself saying such uncomfortable things as "my sources say she's willing to return your friend's Pulp Fiction soundtrack, but she wants the sweater she left at your place, her Sheryl Crow CD, and uh, something she referred to as 'Mister Wiggles..."
Note to anyone who hasn't been put in this position yet: don't agree to get back any items you can't identify by first mention. You may learn things about your friends you never wanted to. I also took a new philosophy out of this - I won't go in to retrieve any items less than $20. Sorry, dude, just replace it.
Also, if you're ever offered the opportunity to go with a friend to help them pick up their stuff from an ex, pass. That's another role that really bites. You're there as a bouncer to make sure no one gets too rowdy during the Swap. The atmosphere is uncomfortable, your friend is uncomfortable because face it, they just broke up with someone, you're uncomfortable about making too much small talk with the ex and pissing off your friend, but you don't want to be rude -- it's a fine balance. I try to avoid being in this situation, but not too long ago I was duped into it again. Here's how it went down:
Kevin: "So where do you want to go?"
Regina: "Not sure. Hey, I need to pick something up from Tom's place first."
Kevin: "I thought you guys broke up, what do you need to pick up?"
Regina: "Just a couple of things I left behind."
Three hours and two trips across town later, Regina and I had all of her stuff from Tom's place. Plus, to make matters worse, I had never met Tom, so suddenly I have the honor and privilege of being sized up and glared at as the unknown guy who's spending time with his ex. Regina and I don't talk anymore.
posted by Kevin at
1:04 PM
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