Meeting etiquette

I’d like to take a minute to talk to all the bosses and supervisors out there – or really anyone with the authority to call a meeting. I want to address something that I believe is a growing problem in our society: lack of meeting etiquette.

I’m not talking about how people act or behave in meetings – I don’t care about that. I’m talking about the hours during which people decide to hold meetings. Why do my bosses feel the need to have meetings and conference calls at 9:00 AM? I know I’m supposed to be in by then each morning, and two, maybe three days a month I actually am, but to expect me to participate in a meeting and to have well thought out ideas at a time when I’m lucky to be able to pick out socks that match or speak English fluently is asking a lot. Having me participate in a meeting at 9:00 AM is like asking a thief to break into a crowded bank during peak hours – it’s just not something I do.

Also, what’s up with holding meetings at noon or even 12:30? That’s just plain rude. I tell you what, if you can speak louder than the sounds my stomach makes when I’m hungry, then go ahead and be my guest – just don’t ask me to pay attention. At noon I’m thinking about only one thing: what I’m going to eat for lunch. Once my boss asked me what I thought about the budget and I responded, “Oh, it’ll cover a bowl of soup and a chicken parm panini.”

And lastly why does anyone think they can actually hold a productive meeting at 5:00 PM. You’ll get about as much feedback and bright ideas if you hold the meeting with corpses dug up from a local cemetery instead. And in the case of some coworkers, the corpses might actually smell better.