When mediators collide

In college I was a mediator, and my girlfriend at the time was a mediator as well. When mediating disputes one of our techniques was to have people use “I statements” - meaning that they would present their problem with the person by stating how it made them feel. For example, if you were pissed off at your roommate for being a total slob and always leaving dishes in the sink, you might say, “I feel angry when you leave dishes in the sink, because I don’t like our apartment always being dirty.”

The director of mediation at NYU was fascinated that my girlfriend and I were together (come to think of it, so were most of my friends, but for very different reasons) and one day asked if we used “I statements” when we fought. I told him “of course,” only that we did it a little differently. Our “I statements” went more along the lines of “I feel like you’re being a total asshole when you…” or “Well, I feel like you’re a psycho-bitch…”

For some reason after that we were never assigned to mediate together again.