Glossary of terms

Glossary to understanding guy-lingo
Having trouble understanding something a male said but don't speak guy-ese? No problem. See Kev's handy guide below. Examples and expanded definitions available by following the links in each term.

Actual height (n) - How tall a guy or girl actually is. A well guarded secret shared only with one's doctor.

Bail-out message (n) - Pre-written text message you keep in your phone to send in the event you need a friend to call you with an "emergency" you need to immediately leave to handle

CBP (n) - Term for girls who are "cute but pyscho"

Dating sweet spot (noun) - Period between February 10th and February 28th when, because of Valentine's Day, it is easiest for guys to meet and pick-up single women

Dumped... by disappearance (phrase) - The science -- dare I say art -- of stopping seeing someone by vanishing

F-Bomb (n) - Telling someone that they are a friend, usually so they don't think you are more than that

First date in a box (phrase) - Term for a pre-canned first date. All men who have been on more than one first date have one of these.

Fix-up ambush (n) - Being invited out under the guise of hanging out with friends, a small dinner party, or the like when actually an elaborate scheme for to fix you up with someone

Full boat (n) - descriptive term to mean your dating rotation is completely filled (sometimes described as a "“full ship"”). It can either be full due to multi-tasking or extended focus on a single female (sometimes referred to by women as "“a relationship"”).

General Baggage Assessment or GBA (n) - Tool for assessing how much baggage a person has before entering a relationship with them

Going Nuclear (term) - The dating kiss of death - telling a guy that he's "like a brother" to you so he finally understands that you two aren't dating

Great Stuff Swap (noun) - That oh-so-fun event you hold sometime after you break-up when you agree to exchange all the stuff left at each other's places

Groucho Marx syndrome (phrase) - The lack of desire to date anyone who would actually want to date you

Guy phase (n) - The step between "boy" and "man" on the male development chart, often right after college through the mid-twenties

Hail Mary Load (n) - An emergency, last minute, desperation load of laundry - often just the bare essentials

Heels height (n) - How tall a girl is when she's wearing heels - usually an additional 2-4 inches taller than her actual height

"I'll cook" (phrase) - Guy-ese for "come to my house and have sex with me"

"It's a date" (phrase) - I have no idea what this means, but it's something girls say

"I'm just not looking to get into a relationship right now" (phrase) - Actually means "I'm just not looking to get into a relationship with you right now"

Kevin's law (n) - Proposed consumer protection law that would require clothing companies to put a tag on men's clothing identifying anything they make that may look black, but is actually Navy Blue

Listed height (n) - The height we can get away with saying (this is usually the stretch you have printed on your drivers license)

Long distance booty call (LDBC) (n) - The act of traveling out of town/overseas for a booty call. If you live in New York City, add any booty call that involves taking the F train.

Men's room quagmire (n) - The classic dilemma that men face when attempting to use a bathroom and almost all urinals are occupied

Post-emptive strike (phrase) -– An act of retribution against someone for preemptively breaking up with you

Pre-booty call (verb) - The act of pre-arranging a booty call. Often by calling or texting much earlier in evening to see "if [someone] might be around 'later' that evening"

Relationship hail Mary (phrase) - The maneuver you (or someone you've been seeing) pull as a last-ditch effort to avoid being dumped

Relationship microwave (noun) - Something you do (ok, something mostly women do) with the intent of speeding up a relationship phase, such as introducing nicknames, going away for the weekend or suddenly introducing you to friends or family, seemingly out of the blue

Relationship placebo (phrase) - Something guys pass on to the people they're seeing to make them think they're getting into a relationship without giving them the actual, meaningful signs. The person thinks they're getting the medicine when you realize you're only giving them a sugar pill.

Rescue message (n) - See "bail out message"

Rule of five (n) - Dropping five F-Bombs ("it's so nice to have a friend" "it's it great to have friends you can (blah blah blah) with..." etc...) in a concentrated period to heavily reinforce that you aren't more than that

Scheduled for termination (phrase) - A phrase to convey that you've already decided to stop seeing somebody, but haven't "lowered the axe" yet

Seasonal Affect Disorder (n) - Kev's term for the recurringccurring crushes guys get on a few select girls

Semi-blind date (phrase) - A date where you've never met in person before, but you've seen the person's picture, or friendster/myspace page so you have a somewhat better idea of who they are before you go out

Sort-of an ex (title) - Description for someone you dated for an extended period of time, but never considered a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend"

Summer break (n) - Term for the large number of breakups that occur in the summer

Taken out by snipers (phrase) - What happens to a guy in a bar when he is on his way in to play wingman for his buddy, but instead is diverted due to attractive women

Thirding (v) - Method of distancing yourself from someone you're seeing by only returning about one of every three calls/messages they leave you

Trading Up (v) - – to stop dating/seeing one person in order to start seeing someone else, perceived as much better/an upgrade

Twinkie pack (n) - Phrase for people in a relationship who can't make plans or go anywhere without their significant other

Two Week Scramble (v) - The period just before New Years where 90% of the single guys I know go on a dating rampage to find and secure a midnight kiss

Type 2 (or accidental) Drunk Dialing (v) - When you go to drunk dial a friend or ex and, due to hitting the wrong speed-dial or misreading the phonebook, you call or text the wrong person

Work of shame (phrase) - when you wear the same set of clothes to work two days in a row because you went out the night before, and didn't make it home